I hate goodbyes

I've said so many of them, I'm sick of them!

The last 2 weeks have been a bit of a revelation. In terms of the tautness of the bonds of friendship, the relativity of time and the fact that the sheer presence of a friend and his words are more important than most things in life.

In the last 2 weeks, I have realized how many people need me to be strong. That being strong is the only way they have seen me. That me being weak or negative puts them in a very different state. A lot of my friends look to me to be the one with the positive words. Words which say that we can pull through. That everything will be OK. That we will make it happen, no matter what the odds. I have realized in the last 2 weeks that I have to be strong...even when I don't feel like it. Just for the sake of my friends.

I also realized how deep the bonds of friendship run with the friends I met. Each one known to me for varying lenghts of time, some older than a 12 year old bottle of single malt scotch, some younger than freshly brewed beer. But each, exerting the same effect that friendships makes people do.

People who had no direct connection to me spent more than half a day cooking a special dish that I like just because I asked for it. My golf buddies threw a party to celebrate the occasion just cause I was there. Three days of office were ignored just cause they wanted to play golf with me. And the intensity of the hugs in the parking lot as I was about to leave said everything that was actually not said. That these guys miss me as much as I miss them. That I have never been happier than the time when I was playing with these guys. That I miss them so much that I almost want to up and leave from Singapore and head back to Bangalore. Thanx a lot guys! I really appreciate what you mean to me and am glad I found such great pals.

A couple of pals flew in from as far away as Delhi just to meet me. Just so that they could talk to me over lunch. So that they could share what they felt and hear what I had to say about my life and theirs. Just talk. And that's it. When one of them said, he was flying down to see me, I did not take it very seriously. Only after we finished our counversation over lunch did I realize how much it meant to him...and to me.

I realized how much I miss my friends. How cranky we all had gotten because we had not met for more than a year. How we function as vents for each other's frustrations and are the billboards where each other's triumphs are displayed.

Saying goodbye to so many people who love me has been an extremely difficult - what's the word for it - event. In my heart, I did not want to leave, but my head kept getting in the way. Good things cannot last forever. In fact, good things don't last long at all. Or maybe time moves so fast when you are enjoying that it feels like a blur.

That's what it feels like, the last 2 weeks. A blur! Every day, a different friend to meet, another life to reconnect with. Or disconnect with.

The disconnection is the hardest part. Something that I have had to do more often than ever. A goodbye to a person who I probably will not speak to for a long time. I just hope my eyes conveyed everything that I couldn't say and that my hands betrayed all the composure I was showing when I said goodbye.

I wish all my friends a happy and fruitful life. They have made mine a truely enjoyable one. It feels good to be wanted. It feels even better to be wanted this much. I have always felt that I was special. Now I realized why.

I have been blessed with the gift of friendship. Friends who have and always will stand by me throught thick and thin. Friends for whom I will go to any extent. You make my life special, my friends. You're the reason life is worth living.