Pinky and The Brain!

Brain, Brain, Brain Brain!

Don't you just love the cartoon series? Or maybe, you haven't seen it. Cause if you did, I would hear a resounding "Yes" from all of you.

For the unfortunate, the plot goes like this: The central characters of the series are Pinky, a dumb idiot of a character who has nothing better to do than to follow the edicts of The Brain, who has the largest brain on the planet & is the smartest person on the planet again!

The plot is also always the same. The Brain tries to cook up some wierd scheme to take over the world & due to some unfortunate (?) mishap, the plot is foiled. Every single episode ends with Pinky asking The Brain what they are going to go next & The Brain replying "Same thing we do everytime, take over the world"

What I find really funny is I know a few people in real life who behave like The Brain. They all think that they are the smartest people on the planet & God only knows that they have a lot of Pinkies around them.

And they all want to "take over the world".

It's as funny to watch as the cartoon series. And always, the plot is foiled.

Thank God for small mercies.

To a healthier future

Woo Suk Hwang, a stem cell scientist at Seoul National University in South Korea, announced last week that he and his team had created 11 human stem-cell lines perfectly matched to the DNA of human patients.

What this means is the using this technique, which built on the Dolly-the-sheep technique, will take doctors closer to creating custom stem cell treatments for a variety of diseases.

This is almost a "found the fountain of youth" kind of revelation. What this could mean is that there may eventually be a future where there is no diseases. People will live to an age where the only reason they die is because they want to.

Which brings me to another point. We spend so much time over conditions that directly affect human conditions, but we dont spend anywhere close to that time thinking about whether our planet is geared to handle so many people.

Imagine the amount of food that will be required. The oxygen consumption for the planet will go up exponentially. Consequently, how many more rainforests & treeswill we need to achieve this.

Does our civilisation have the discipline to take care of our planet & nurture it so that it can then present it's bounty to us as a progressive civilisation?

I don't think we are doing our bit for our planet. We keep looking in one direction & forget that there is a whole world around us to look at.

As a race, we are fairly blind-sighted.

Why don't you tell me the name?

Not sure if you have noticed the way radio stations & radio programs are. They play songs & have a bit of banter as filler (or is it the other way round?). The only problem is: They FORGET to mention the song that they are planning to / were play.

What is the point of playing a song if people who like the song cannot figure out who sung it & what album it belongs to?

I thought the whole idea was to promote sales of newer albums or push sales of existing music higher in addition to providing a great source of entertainement to the masses.

And it by chance, they do mention the name of the song, it usually is for a song which the world has heard a zillion times. The intro to the song usually goes like this "And here's The Eagles' most famous track - Hotel California" or "Let's listen to Santana and 'Smooth' ".

Why is is that they do that? It makes me hopping mad. Cause I am the person who likes to immediately buy the music that I like. And so I would like to know. Otherwise, I go through the day with a song or a theme in my head with no artist & album attached to it.

So here's a humble request to all the RJs: Please make it a point to mention the artist & relevant information on the song so that we can contribute to the financial welfare of the artist who, so painstakingly, has created such wonderful music. And we all know, creation needs to be appreciated.

Snatch a piece of Satch

"My name is still Joe, Joe Satriani" and the crowd went wild!

There are very few guitarists that I really revere. Clapton, for the most part, is practically God. Mark Knopfler is phenomenal. Eddie Van Halen is outstanding, but I prefer him live to the Van Halen Albums, Santana is smooth, pure genius. And then I had a chance to hear Satriani.

I have not been to Woodstock, but I think I came closest to what I would have felt had I heard Jimi Hendrix play there. And I heard it from Hendrix's self proclimed disciple.

Satriani played for close to 3 hours at the Bangalore Palace Grounds & I have to say that I was privileged to be there. With a sore neck, thanks to 3 hours of almost continuous head-banging, and aching feet, I left the grounds with a ringing in my ears & a guitar solo on my lips.

What a performer! I am at a loss for words.

"My name is still Joe Satriani & I am thrilled to be in India. We will be back again" and we were screaming our guts out.

My voice is still hoarse.

AAARRRGH! Ringtones!

Now I don't necessarily have a problem with cellular technology & the advantages of being mobile. In fact, I am completely dependant on my cell phone & am completely handicapped without it. So mobile phones, in general, are more good than evil.

But what I cannot stand is all these awful ringtones that people have on their phone. And just to show off, they will answer the phone as late as they can. Aaaaaa..... somebody kill that person.

And since almost everyone in urban India has a cell phone, you can imagine how many number & type of ringtones can exist. each one designed to irritate the next person. One guy had his own coughing sound as his ring tone! Yikes!

The latest trend is for a personalised "hear tone" (I dont know what it is technically called, so this is my feeble name for it). This is where you call a person on their hand phone & instead of it going the traditional "Ring Ring", it plays a pathetic quality song. Bwack!

Maybe I should try the "if you can't lick em, join em" strategy. Maybe I can irritate enough people around me to make them give up their evil ways. Maybe not. Maybe the strategy will backfire on me & send me to the asylum.

"Tinanana Tinanana Tinanana Na", "Cough Cough", "Daddy, pick up the phone", "Brrrrrriiiiiiiiinnnnnng", "Bleep Bleep", "LEAVE ME ALONE, AAAAAAAA".... That can be a ring tone!

I heard it the first time!

Aaargh! Just cause you say it again & again does not make it any better. Or any worse!

I am, of course, talking about my wife.

She has this habbit of brewing herself in a concentrated state of worry. And that could be for any reason, no matter how trivial. Today, it's the washing machine. Tomorrow, it'll be something my daughter did. Yesterday, it was something that I did, or should have done, or shouldn't have done or forgot to do.

Phew... Now I keep telling her to chill & relax a bit. And that the only person who gets worked up over nothing is her. And that this will adversely effect her health. Which it has. But what woman listens to her husband?

So the modus operandi is always the same. Slide in a statement in moments of inactivity (usually when I am eating), wait to see if there is a response & and then continue on a complete discourse of all that is bothering her. Now I have no problem with me being kept abreast of the facts. What I do have a problem with is the repetition of the same facts over & over again.

Just because you say it three or four times does not make it anymore serious or any more worse. It just manages to accomplish one thing: It get's ME worked up. Something that I try very hard not to get.

There are enough and more things in my life which attempt to get me worked up. But they are always beyond a certain point. My wife, by sheer definition, is inside that boundary & so is, unfortunately, within striking distance of the "Get Worked Up" button within me.

Maybe I'll try hypnosis on her. Put in a post hypnotic suggestion to take a chill pill everytime she feels the need to get herself (and in the process, me) worked up. Maybe that'll work. There's only one problem.

I can't hypnotize anyone for nuts. N V T S ... Nuts!
(For people who didn't get that, watch Mel Brooks' "History of the World")

Way to go, Women!

Women amaze me.

Before the women reading this hurtle stick and stones in my direction, just hear me out. I'm on your side.

To think what women are capable of is stunning. Females (of all species in general) can do the single biggest thing which males (of their respective species) will never be able to do. They give birth. That is singularly the most miraculous & magnificent achievement of life. And to be able to do this so easily (wait, dont scream), so predictably & so beautifully is something none of us other life forms will EVER be able to do.

Women today, in general, nurse kids, run their homes, take care of the food, make the house a habitable place while their kids (and in my case, the husband as well) run amok wreaking everything in sight. And they work. To provide their kids a stable, secure & as happy as possible a life as they can afford.

What do men do? Our only claim to fame, for ever, has been that we're the hunters. The ones who get the food & help make the home a better, safer place. Well, people, look around. Women are doing that exact same thing today along with their other job at home. And they are doing an admirable job.

So when the English language coined the phrase "the weaker sex", I wonder where they got the idea from. Women are far stronger than we men will ever be. Any man who has seen his partner go thro labor pains during delivery will vouch for this. The pain they endure to create life is something that I cannot ever imagine, only watch as a spectator, completely in fear (for her safety) & awe.

Maybe that's why we call her Mother Nature. The one who gives life, provides for all, and in her fury can obliterate everything in sight.

Way to go, Women. Keep discovering new frontiers with that great feminine instinct of yours. Something that we men in our shortsighted behaviour will never be able to do.

The world is yours. It always has been.

What a game!

For people who have seen my previous blog (The Greatest Game Ever Played) in December, you'll have guessed that I am, of course, talking about Golf!

I meet a lot of people who don't understand the game at all. From an outsiders perspective, it just looks like knocking a small ball from one end of a grassy patch to another & putting it into a hole in the ground. Well, simply put, that's exactly what the game is all about.

So where, you may ask, is the challange, the difficulty? Aha, the simplicity of the game is also it's most dreaded feature. Let me explain.

As opposed to any other game, the object of attention is a stationary ball. Look at any other sport. There is always a ball in motion which is the object of desire. Not so in golf. The golf ball lies innocuously on a patch of green, begging to be hit (hopefully in the right direction).

Also, every other sport asks you to play against someone. So you always play against someone else's strengths & weaknesses. And if you are a good player, you try to exploit the other players weaknesses as much as possible.

With Golf, you play against the course & against yourself. Sure, you might be playing with a few people, but the score that you post is devoid of any interaction with your fellow golfers. You play your own game & let them play theirs.

You may say, that's easier. Let me assure you, it's not!

Now there is a way to efficiently hit a golf ball. By efficient, I mean that when you execute your shot, the ball flies in the intended direction & the intended distance. Unless you are a Pro at this game, there is no way that all your shots go where you want.

So the challange is to adapt on the course. If you know that your ball goes from right to left and lands 30 yards off the mark that you intended to hit, you need to make adequate compensations like aiming a bit more to the right. Problem is, there might be a tree or a building in that line.

So all these things contribute to making the game of Golf a lot more challenging.

And remember, the game demands you to get the ball from A (the place where you tee off, very conveniently named the Tee) to B (the hole in which the ball is to fall in ... which is surrounded by a green space, also very conveniently nemed the Green) in the least number of strokes.

All in all, this is the toughest game I have ever played. And believe me when I say this, I have played quite a few of them, some at very high levels of competition.

And there is no other game which can make you experience all the emotions that we have been blessed with. A good shot will make your heart sing. And a bad one (these are the most frequent ones) will blister your soul so bad that you feel like giving up the game. Only, I dont know anyone bitten by the Golf Bug who has given up the game.

And this, my friends, is the achievment of the sport. To keep at a game which can frustrate you to no end and still finish the round & plan your next round is truly amazing. And the game does reward you for the amount of work you put into it.

Yes siree, take this game up & you will realise what you were missing all this while. Hit one good shot & you'll be dying to get back for more. After that one good shot, all the bad ones are aspirations to hit the good one again.

NRIs

I met a NRI (Non resident Indian) a couple of weeks ago & had a fairly long discussion with him on quite a few things. The discussion just pissed me off. Let me explain.

The view that this guy had was that we Indians are not doing much to retain our culture, that we are getting westernized & that we have become very money oriented. Well, to a certain extent, he is correct. We have come to like our McDonald's & our Pizza Huts, we are doing business with a lot of companies in the US & we have bowed our heads to capitalist tendencies. But I certainly dont think we have forgotten our culture.

Here is this guy who, ironically, left this culture & this country to make money in the US & now is talking about how the people here are not doing much about the culture. It's people like him who are causing all the damage in the first place.

When I travel outside of India, I am on my absolute best behaviour. Mainly because I carry the image of India along with me. And it is very important to me that the world has a good, and justifiably so, opinion of my country.

There are people in this wonderous country who have done things that no one has before. The challanges that this country faces are faced by none other. And it is still the country whose more-than-5000-year culture can be seen every single day in every single part of the country. That's what makes this country so different & so brilliant.

And then along comes this man who has the same opinion of his country as the rest of the world. Snippets that he has seen in some period movie like Gandhi or photos that were taken by his grand parents. He still thinks that there are cows running amok on the streets of our sities, that we are all used to sidestepping cowdung on the streets, that people of this country still exclusively work towards agriculture.

And that is a bull-shit view of this country. And that's why I am pissed. People here have very normal lives. And I think the world should realise that it's difficult for most of the software & BPO companies coming up in India to work with bad roads, cowdung on the streets & people riding cows to work.

I think Indians are the ones who are responsible for this perception that the world has of us. And nobody can change it but us.

So here is a humble plea for all Indians. Please project the right image of this country. India deserves a lot more than what you ungrateful lowlives make it out to be.

And to all people who are not Indian, firstly my deepest sympathies. Secondly, please understand that India is the only country in it's history to NEVER invade another country. We welcome people with open arms. So please try and look beyond the regular symptoms of a growing country. You will see a country which will dazzle you & leave you with memories you will cherish your whole life.

For Indians who dont agree with me on this one, you are, as far as I am conserned, NRIs. Not Required Indians!