What a way to "raise" money!

San Francisco last week hosted the city's "Masturbate-a-thon" - an event designed to celebrate all that is good and wholesome in the five-knuckle shuffle.

This even was to, no pun intended here, RAISE funds for the Center for Sex and Culture & awareness about the topic rather than just consider it as "second best" as it is most frequently thought of by most people.

Whatever the outcome, I am sure there is a lot of controversy that has been kicked up. Not that Frisco is not used to it, what with it being the American capital for "alternative tastes" (that is the best I could come up that could sound politically correct).

Check out The Register (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/06/01/san_francisco_trouser_snake_event/) for a very funny report on the event.

See, there is not all bad with solitary confinement (of any sort)! :-)

Pinky and The Brain!

Brain, Brain, Brain Brain!

Don't you just love the cartoon series? Or maybe, you haven't seen it. Cause if you did, I would hear a resounding "Yes" from all of you.

For the unfortunate, the plot goes like this: The central characters of the series are Pinky, a dumb idiot of a character who has nothing better to do than to follow the edicts of The Brain, who has the largest brain on the planet & is the smartest person on the planet again!

The plot is also always the same. The Brain tries to cook up some wierd scheme to take over the world & due to some unfortunate (?) mishap, the plot is foiled. Every single episode ends with Pinky asking The Brain what they are going to go next & The Brain replying "Same thing we do everytime, take over the world"

What I find really funny is I know a few people in real life who behave like The Brain. They all think that they are the smartest people on the planet & God only knows that they have a lot of Pinkies around them.

And they all want to "take over the world".

It's as funny to watch as the cartoon series. And always, the plot is foiled.

Thank God for small mercies.

To a healthier future

Woo Suk Hwang, a stem cell scientist at Seoul National University in South Korea, announced last week that he and his team had created 11 human stem-cell lines perfectly matched to the DNA of human patients.

What this means is the using this technique, which built on the Dolly-the-sheep technique, will take doctors closer to creating custom stem cell treatments for a variety of diseases.

This is almost a "found the fountain of youth" kind of revelation. What this could mean is that there may eventually be a future where there is no diseases. People will live to an age where the only reason they die is because they want to.

Which brings me to another point. We spend so much time over conditions that directly affect human conditions, but we dont spend anywhere close to that time thinking about whether our planet is geared to handle so many people.

Imagine the amount of food that will be required. The oxygen consumption for the planet will go up exponentially. Consequently, how many more rainforests & treeswill we need to achieve this.

Does our civilisation have the discipline to take care of our planet & nurture it so that it can then present it's bounty to us as a progressive civilisation?

I don't think we are doing our bit for our planet. We keep looking in one direction & forget that there is a whole world around us to look at.

As a race, we are fairly blind-sighted.

Why don't you tell me the name?

Not sure if you have noticed the way radio stations & radio programs are. They play songs & have a bit of banter as filler (or is it the other way round?). The only problem is: They FORGET to mention the song that they are planning to / were play.

What is the point of playing a song if people who like the song cannot figure out who sung it & what album it belongs to?

I thought the whole idea was to promote sales of newer albums or push sales of existing music higher in addition to providing a great source of entertainement to the masses.

And it by chance, they do mention the name of the song, it usually is for a song which the world has heard a zillion times. The intro to the song usually goes like this "And here's The Eagles' most famous track - Hotel California" or "Let's listen to Santana and 'Smooth' ".

Why is is that they do that? It makes me hopping mad. Cause I am the person who likes to immediately buy the music that I like. And so I would like to know. Otherwise, I go through the day with a song or a theme in my head with no artist & album attached to it.

So here's a humble request to all the RJs: Please make it a point to mention the artist & relevant information on the song so that we can contribute to the financial welfare of the artist who, so painstakingly, has created such wonderful music. And we all know, creation needs to be appreciated.

Snatch a piece of Satch

"My name is still Joe, Joe Satriani" and the crowd went wild!

There are very few guitarists that I really revere. Clapton, for the most part, is practically God. Mark Knopfler is phenomenal. Eddie Van Halen is outstanding, but I prefer him live to the Van Halen Albums, Santana is smooth, pure genius. And then I had a chance to hear Satriani.

I have not been to Woodstock, but I think I came closest to what I would have felt had I heard Jimi Hendrix play there. And I heard it from Hendrix's self proclimed disciple.

Satriani played for close to 3 hours at the Bangalore Palace Grounds & I have to say that I was privileged to be there. With a sore neck, thanks to 3 hours of almost continuous head-banging, and aching feet, I left the grounds with a ringing in my ears & a guitar solo on my lips.

What a performer! I am at a loss for words.

"My name is still Joe Satriani & I am thrilled to be in India. We will be back again" and we were screaming our guts out.

My voice is still hoarse.

AAARRRGH! Ringtones!

Now I don't necessarily have a problem with cellular technology & the advantages of being mobile. In fact, I am completely dependant on my cell phone & am completely handicapped without it. So mobile phones, in general, are more good than evil.

But what I cannot stand is all these awful ringtones that people have on their phone. And just to show off, they will answer the phone as late as they can. Aaaaaa..... somebody kill that person.

And since almost everyone in urban India has a cell phone, you can imagine how many number & type of ringtones can exist. each one designed to irritate the next person. One guy had his own coughing sound as his ring tone! Yikes!

The latest trend is for a personalised "hear tone" (I dont know what it is technically called, so this is my feeble name for it). This is where you call a person on their hand phone & instead of it going the traditional "Ring Ring", it plays a pathetic quality song. Bwack!

Maybe I should try the "if you can't lick em, join em" strategy. Maybe I can irritate enough people around me to make them give up their evil ways. Maybe not. Maybe the strategy will backfire on me & send me to the asylum.

"Tinanana Tinanana Tinanana Na", "Cough Cough", "Daddy, pick up the phone", "Brrrrrriiiiiiiiinnnnnng", "Bleep Bleep", "LEAVE ME ALONE, AAAAAAAA".... That can be a ring tone!

I heard it the first time!

Aaargh! Just cause you say it again & again does not make it any better. Or any worse!

I am, of course, talking about my wife.

She has this habbit of brewing herself in a concentrated state of worry. And that could be for any reason, no matter how trivial. Today, it's the washing machine. Tomorrow, it'll be something my daughter did. Yesterday, it was something that I did, or should have done, or shouldn't have done or forgot to do.

Phew... Now I keep telling her to chill & relax a bit. And that the only person who gets worked up over nothing is her. And that this will adversely effect her health. Which it has. But what woman listens to her husband?

So the modus operandi is always the same. Slide in a statement in moments of inactivity (usually when I am eating), wait to see if there is a response & and then continue on a complete discourse of all that is bothering her. Now I have no problem with me being kept abreast of the facts. What I do have a problem with is the repetition of the same facts over & over again.

Just because you say it three or four times does not make it anymore serious or any more worse. It just manages to accomplish one thing: It get's ME worked up. Something that I try very hard not to get.

There are enough and more things in my life which attempt to get me worked up. But they are always beyond a certain point. My wife, by sheer definition, is inside that boundary & so is, unfortunately, within striking distance of the "Get Worked Up" button within me.

Maybe I'll try hypnosis on her. Put in a post hypnotic suggestion to take a chill pill everytime she feels the need to get herself (and in the process, me) worked up. Maybe that'll work. There's only one problem.

I can't hypnotize anyone for nuts. N V T S ... Nuts!
(For people who didn't get that, watch Mel Brooks' "History of the World")